I just watched SherryBaby using the NetFlix Watch Instantly feature. It's a touching, sometimes disturbing, sometimes frustrating movie. Some reviewers have written that they knew where the movie was going, but I was in suspense during the last minutes -- will she? won't she? has she learned anything?
I recommend it. (Note: there's nudity, sex, and drug use, fyi.)
I have just joined Netflix. Since I'm usually years behind everyone else with this kind of thing, it must mean that everyone in America is now a member!
I downgraded my cable from "Super Digital" to "Expanded Basic" to help cover the cost. Of course, the rep tried to talk me out of it. He said, "You know you're giving up 200 channels for a savings of $5, right?" I said yes, but didn't elaborate. I didn't feel like explaining. The thing is, of those 200 channels, 1/4 are in Spanish, 1/4 are sports, 1/4 are music channels, and of the last 1/4 I watch 2 or 3 of them maybe once a week and only when nothing else is on. I'd much rather be watching a DVD of my choosing, hence the Netflix membership.
I'm only doing the one-at-a-time plan. That should get me a new movie or TV series every couple of days.
I haven't blogged for a while, I know. There are various reasons, but I'll only share the goofiest today:
I'm addicted to Webkinz. My niece got one for her birthday, and after my sister described it to me, I asked her to get me one too. She bought me a monkey, and I named him Gary. Now I'm spending hours playing in Webkinz World. I've even been thinking about "adopting" another pet so Gary won't be so lonely in his house.
In Webkinz World, I play games, work in the employment office, or answer trivia questions to earn money (called "KinzCash") to buy stuff for Gary. There's also a tournament arena where I can play against other players for extra KinzCash. I try to ignore the voice telling me that I'm probably playing against an 8-year old. It's not like I'm dominating the games or anything. We're usually pretty evenly matched.
So that's my story. Now I'm off to log on to Webkinz World. Time to give Gary his breakfast!
you call a repair man for your faulty heater and it turns out to be the guy who was drunk and chatting you up at a bar last week!
Yippee! I finally got a dining table. It's a counter height table. I've wanted a pub table for a long time. The store I went to didn't have any, but I saw this counter height one and I like it better. It's kind of a tight squeeze now, but once I move, I'll make sure I have a proper dining area to fit it.
Here are some pics.
I'm so glad finally not to have to eat on the couch anymore. Now that I think about it, I haven't had a dining table since my first and second apartments back in the mid-90s. I always intended to buy barstools when I was in my last apartment because I had a huge service bar. I never got around to it. But now, I have a real table. No more crouching over the coffee table and no more kitties trying to horn in. Yay!
The SonnetDeliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed? Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. Your exact female opposite: Genghis Khunt  Random Brutal Sex Master Always avoid: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The False Messiah (DBLM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Last Man on Earth (RBSD) Consider: The Loverboy (RGLM) |
| Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating |
Not as in "Boooo! Hiss!" or "Booo-urns!" but boooooo as in scary boooooo.
I saw A Nightmare Before Christmas in 3-D last night. It was so fun. I love that movie! I'm a sucker for stop-motion animation and (non-sappy) musicals. This and James and the Giant Peach are two of my favorite movies.
I know you've seen by now the ads for Secret Clinical Strength antiperspirant. I was going to get over my shock at the almost $8 price tag and try some. Luckily I decided to read the label first. I thought they were using some new ingredient that made it stronger than regular antiperspirants. Nope, they're using the same Aluminum Zirconium Trichlorohydrex GLY that they've always used. This time is 20% instead of 19%.
Not worth 3 times the price.
Especially not when I can get Mitchum (for women) with 20% Aluminum Zirconium Tetrachlorohydrex GLY for the same price or less than regular Secret. I don't know the difference between Trichlorohydrex and Tetrachlorohydrex, but 4 is more than 3 so maybe it's better. Either way, Secret Clinical Strength can gather dust on Target's shelf.
So I saw my friend at work walking with this guy. I thought it was her boyfriend, but it wasn't, and I told her I think he's cute. So then I was all, "Ask him if he dates black girls." She asked him and he said he doesn't care about color.
Then he was all, "Who wants to know?" and she was all, "She'll be at my Halloween party. You can meet her there." He was like, "I want to know now," but she went, "No, you have to wait."
So then she had a happy hour and I totally went to it. The guy was there and it was kind of cool, 'cuz I got to talk to him and stuff, but then at the end of the night, my other friend was all, "That guy is a jerk," and I was like, "Yeah, he kind of is." So that was it.
But then today, my friend was all, "OMG. Right after the happy hour, he totally called me and asked if you were the girl." I was all, "No way!" and she was all "Yes way!" She was like, "You don't know it's her," and he was like "She was the only black girl there." She went, "But I didn't say the girl was coming to the happy hour." Then he was all, "Well, whatever. I really like her. She's cool."
I know, right?!
So anyway, he totally doesn't know for sure that it's me. But I told my friend to tell him that she thinks I might be interested and see what he says.
The 5th Annual [Samsara]'s Birthday Slumber Party is going to include a talent show. I'm going to do magic for my act.
I went to JCR Magic yesterday, bought some products, and got a lesson on how to perform the effects. The owner also gave me the three rules of magic:
1. Do not reveal to anyone - ANYONE - how the magic works.
2. Do not perform the magic more than once per show.
3. Do not perform the magic unless I can do it well.
... you thought I was exaggerating about the hair situation: Yesterday and today I got compliments on my hair from random people. And today it's just up in a ponytail.
Take that, crappy beauticians!
I took a shot at calling a JCPenney salon in Austin to have my hair done. They gave me an appointment with Anna. She was fantastic! My hair feels just like it did after a visit to my old stylist in Dallas. There is no goo in it like after all 3 of the others I tried. It's straight and shiny. It moves. I am so happy!
Two of the three things I hate about my relocation have converged to make this a suck-ass Saturday.
1. The hairdresser: I have not been able to find a good hairdresser in the almost four months I've lived here. I had an appointment with a "meh" stylist in Austin on Wednesday. She canceled 30 minutes before the appointment after I'd already made the drive up there. I made an appointment for today with the "meh" stylist here in town. I showed up and the place was closed. Waited half an hour and she never showed. Grrr!
2. The insects: I desperately need to do laundry. However, there is a ginormous spider who has built a web outside my back door. He's so crafty that the web is attached from my back door to the utility room door. I carefully opened the door and reached my arm out with a can of Raid and sprayed him. Now he's suspended in mid-air and breathing his last, but I'm still too scared to open the door all the way and move him. I just know he'll kill me if I set foot out there.
I'm going to pop in a DVD of Perry Mason and drown my sorrows in 50's TV-noir.
So, I went out again with the work guy. (I need to give him a name ... let's go with Renegade.)
Anyway, I went out with Renegade. He hadn't called me since that last infuriating phone call. We chatted a little at work, but nothing major. So last Friday on his way out to lunch, he stopped and asked if I'd like to go and I said okay. While we were out, he asked if I wanted to do something over the weekend and we decided to go out on Saturday after my book club meeting. I was really hoping we were going out just as friends. I mean since we hadn't talked, I didn't think that he'd think there was still anything going on between us.
Well, of course, I was wrong. When we talked on Saturday to finalize the plans, he called it a date. I frantically IM'ed Lass to get some advice. I asked her to promise to kill me if I didn't resolve the problem before the night was over. She wouldn't agree. (No, she wasn't being kind. She was reserving the right to tease me later. What a pal! lol)
Turns out, I didn't need killing anyway. After more frantic texting with my nephew, I figured out what I would say. Renegade gave me the perfect opening after dinner. I took it and explained that I enjoy spending time with him, but I just want to be friends. I'll spare you the whole speech.
I was so proud of me! We spent close to another hour together after that, things were fine and fun, I've seen him since then and there's no awkwardness. A happy ending!
Yes, I know it's over a month away, but I had to buy my present early.
I just discovered that Avenue Q is finally touring the country! And I found out just in time, too. It will be in Houston next month. I bought myself a ticket, and since I'm not poor anymore (yay), I splurged on a good seat. Okay it's a great seat: center orchestra, second row. This is going to be so awesome! I can't wait to see it. And if the show is as fantastic as I think it will be, it's going to be in Ft. Worth in July, so I can see it again!
Oh, how bad I am at leaving my poor readers hanging.
Do you want to know what has happened with random kissing guy? Well, I called him Tuesday after Labor Day like I said I would. We talked on the phone for a long time, but it only confirmed that I don't like him romantically. I didn't see him at work all week and he didn't call me, so I thought I was home free.
He called Friday night and we talked a long time again. This time I came close to not liking him even as a friend. He has some infuriating (for me) ideas on religion and society. I had to ask to change the subject when my blood started boiling. He didn't mention getting together and I didn't either.
So far this week he's waved to me in passing and sent me a 'hello' email. I hope he's gotten the hint that I'm not interested. I don't want to have to spell it out.
Samsara: I never thought it could happen to me: a drunken makeout with a guy I'm not really attracted to. Okay, it wasn't exactly a makeout. It was just kissing.
Inner voice: "Just kissing?" Uh-huh, but where?
Samsara: What? On the lips.
Inner voice: Don't be coy. You know what I mean. "Just kissing" on the goldarn town square! In front of whole world.
Samsara: Alright, alright. I admit there was some PDA.
Inner voice: You're darn right there was. Don't forget the little episode on the patio of that restaurant.
Samsara: Oh, lighten up. That was just a peck!
Inner voice: Fine. I just hope none of those 8 million college kids out there was one of your student workers. What kind of example was that to set?
Samsara: Okay. You and I both know college kids. They don't need to see me being an idiot to think it's fine for them to do it.
Inner voice: *sigh*
Samsara: But what do I do now?
Inner voice: Oh, I see. Now you want my help. Last night you gave me all that tequila and told me to beat it.
Samsara: I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have sent you away like that. Just tell me what to do.
Inner voice: Alright, look. He's not a bad guy. He's nice, he's not ugly. Why not just go with the flow, act normal, and if necessary, you can give the "let's just be friends" speech.
Samsara: You think that will work?
Inner voice: Why not? And keep in mind: he was drinking, too. Maybe he's getting a talking-to from his inner voice right now.
Samsara: You're right. Should I call him?
Inner voice: Yeah, I think you should. That would be the polite thing to do. You both said you're going out of town for the holiday, so you can call Tuesday evening when you get back. Just thank him for Friday night and see what happens.
Samsara: Okay. But what if he thinks we've started something and he's all "personal" at work? People will know.
Inner voice: From what I could tell before I was unceremoniously dismissed, I think you can trust him to be discreet. And if he's not, you can tell him to be. Not that hard, really.
Samsara: That's true. Well, I guess I'll enjoy the rest of the weekend and face next week when it comes.
Inner voice: Yeah, and lay off the margaritas for a while. Dummy.
Yesterday I had a super fun cataloging quest. I am so glad I'm back in this field!
I told Lass that my chickening out had gotten out of hand and if I could just do one thing, maybe I'd break its hold on me. Sure enough, it was true!
I went to a sports bar in New Braunfels to watch the Cowboys play and although I was a little nervous going in, once I sat down it wasn't bad at all. It was a nice atmosphere, not too crowded, super friendly service. It was freezing cold in there, but an old guy came over and started talking to me, so I mentioned how cold I was and he loaned me his jacket.
I've been volunteering at the public library and when I was there last week, I talked with the cute guy who works the circ desk. This week when I came in, he was busy with a patron so I went straight to the back and started working. When he finished with that patron, he found me in back to talk to me. We talked several times during my shift, one of those times being about chess wherein I told him that I don't know how to play. As I was leaving, he said, "So when do you want to learn chess?" Smooth. Heehee. I gave him my number. He asked if I ever go to the coffee shop down the street, I said yes, he said he'd call. So exciting!
Today a co-worker suggested we go out for a drink after work (just as friends). He started a week after I did, so we've gotten to chat some during orientations and such. It was a nice way to start the weekend.
Tomorrow is breakfast (by myself, because I'm not scared anymore!) movies and shopping (because I'm not poor anymore), bank business (again, not poor), and cleaning (because I'm still a slob, lol). Sunday is church, Columbo, and a nap.
I've been watching the motocross events at the X Games this weekend. The tricks these guys do are just amazing. I've got to see this in person some day.
Here's the gold medal winner for best trick, Kyle Loza. It was his first appearance at the X Games!
AOL Video
This week's Democratic radio address included a bit about the new minimum wage. (It was supposed to be a response to the President's address where he talked about the bridge collapse, but whatever.)
So, the speaker was all "Yay, Dems," because of the wage increase:
"Democrats also passed the first minimum-wage increase in 10 years. Raising the minimum wage won't make anyone rich, but it will help hard-working people take home a little more each month."
No more sore throat, thank goodness, but I'm still coughing.
I think the doctor today and last week's urgent care doctor were classmates at Hollywood Upstairs Medical College (credit The Simpsons). He didn't give me any information and no suggestions on how to get relief.
It's partly my fault for not asking more questions, but I honestly didn't realize I didn't get answers until after I was at work. This is why they tell us to take written questions. With this guy, I didn't know he was done with me until well after he was gone. He told me he was going to check on getting me a chest X-ray and then he never came back. The nurse gave me the X-ray order and walked me out. If I had had written questions, I would have remembered them and then told her I needed to speak with the doctor again.
Oh, well. I'll plan to ask questions when they call with the X-ray results. Better keep a note next to the phone!
Remember back in April when I wanted to be sick so I could use up my sick leave? Well, lucky me, I'm sick now when I have no sick leave! Thanks, Bacteria.
Actually, I have 12 hours sick leave. I used 8 on Tuesday and then I had to suffer through work the rest of the week. I went to an urgent care clinic (my new doctor couldn't get me in) and the doctor said I'm not contagious. Hopefully, he's right because I don't want my co-workers to murder me.
My supervisor says that I can use my comp time if need be, but hopefully I'll be fine come Monday. I have an appointment with my GP on Tuesday morning, just in case.
I just set up the last four automatic drafts for my credit card bills. On September 30, 2007 I will be debt-free! YAY!!
The plan is to keep my car until 2009 (at least) and save, save, save.
I just finished watching The God Who Wasn't There on DVD. I checked it out from the library after seeing an ad for it in the New Yorker.
I thought it was going to be reasoned arguments against Christianity, and I was interested in the part that was supposed to talk about Christianity's resemblance to other prior religions. Instead it was a bunch of LOLXIANS (I stole that term from Metafilter).
It was pretty inflammatory which was the author's point, I guess. I had problems with the misquoting of scriptures. One quote was attributed to Jesus from Luke 19:27: "But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them—bring them here and kill them in front of me." Sounds like Jesus is pretty evil and bloodthirsty, doesn't it? Well, what the author, Brian Flemming, left out is that Jesus is telling a parable and that line is spoken by the main character in the story. It's not Jesus speaking for himself.
He also says that after Jesus' death, everyone forgot about him until Paul, aka Saul, picked up the story. He talks about how the gospels were written at least 40 years after Jesus died. He says that even Christians can't explain how the story got disseminated. He asks a couple of Christians on the street and they give some vague explanation about it being "in God's divine plan." The thing is, every Christian I know would be able to tell him that the apostles carried the story to various parts of the known world at that time. It's right there in the book of Acts which he completely ignores. Of course he could say that the book of Acts is made up, but he doesn't even address it. I think he takes a perverse pleasure in making Christians look stupid.
He has other objections to Christianity for which he gives what are supposed to be the commonly accepted Christian rebuttals, none of which I've ever heard before. (And if you know me, you know that I used to be one of the bible-thumpiest evangelicals there were, and now I'm one of the catholiciest Catholics there is.) For example, regarding Christianity's resemblance to other religions, he talks about other savior myths and the countless Egyptian, Roman, Greek, and assorted pagan gods which share characteristics with Jesus. He says that Christians just say Satan knew the prophecy of Jesus and so he masterminded these hoaxes in advance. I have never once heard anyone say that. The standard answer I've heard is that it is evidence of God revealing himself to humans, but the fullness of the revelation comes with Jesus. Possibly just as wacky an answer if Christianity is not your thing, but the point is, I don't know what Christians he's been talking to.
Oh, and then there's the part where he says the cardinal sin of Christianity is to think because to Christians doubt is the same as blasphemy. Nope, I've never heard that one. In fact I've always been taught that I should examine my beliefs and decide for myself. Every pastor I've ever had has said that: not to take his word for it, but to study and determine what I think is true. I would think that allows for doubt, or else what would I have to verify?
He interviews Sam Harris who goes on about how dangerous it is that 60% of the American electorate is Christian. Okay. He says it's a shame that college-educated presidents and congressmen are using their religion to impede embryonic stem cell research. He says they are basing it on their belief that the soul enters a zygote at the moment of conception. Again, I've never heard that reasoning. I've only heard people talking about life beginning at conception, which means that a life is being destroyed in the use of an embryo for its stem cells. Souls are immortal; they can't be destroyed. Again, not a distinction that would make Mr. Harris see a Christian's point. I just would have appreciated a little more accuracy.
I guess I can't say I'm completely disappointed. I checked out the DVD because I wanted it to make me think. It certainly did, just not in the way I expected. And I didn't expect it to make me angry. Mr. Flemming seemed to be going out of his way to be disrespectful. I expected more of a straightforward "Christians are wrong. Here's why," rather than a malevolent "Christians are crazy. Here's (inaccurately) why."
I was re-reading this old post and, after being really embarrassed, I realized I need to give some updates.
1. The therapist: I went twice and then stopped. She talked waaaay too much, and she wasn't really a cognitive behaviorist even though she said she was when I first called. Now that I have decent mental health coverage, I'll try again.
2. Having "a lot to lose": I was totally using Brett as a crutch. There were places I wanted to go and things I wanted to do. If my social anxiety kept me from doing them by myself, I could ask him to go with me. It took me a while to realize that, and now I know that it was not cool. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy his company because I did. The part about his being fun to be around was true. I'm just saying that what I wrote in that post was more fear than despair.
3. The friendship: It didn't work out. Remember how I said I was so anxious about the casual dating thing? Well, it was the same with the friendship. I really don't know why. I didn't feel hurt and there weren't lingering romantic feelings, but something was definitely wrong. Two weeks before I moved, I had a bad night and ended up writing him an email saying I couldn't be friends with him. Email = cop out, I know, but I didn't have a good explanation. Whenever I talked to him about it, he ended up apologizing so I obviously wasn't doing a good job of explaining the problem.
Jericho?
CBS was planning to cancel it but relented after fans sent them 40,000 pounds of peanuts in protest. Now they're re-airing episodes of the first season over the summer to attract new fans and keep the show going. I've never watched it, but if people love it this much, it's worth a shot.
Tonight is the pilot, then next week two episodes: an episode that recaps shows through #11 and episode #12. The rest of the summer brings episodes #13-#22.
All episodes are available online for free if the recap doesn't do it for you.
Update: The pilot was very compelling. I'll tune in again next week. I hope it doesn't turn out like "The Nine" on ABC. Started out great, then sucked by the fourth episode.
Update update: The 'compilation' episode was pretty bad. I didn't finish it, and I haven't tuned in since. I can't tell you if it was the fact that the show was trying to recap 10 episodes or if the plot lines really make no sense.
What is it about 4th of July that makes networks air marathons? How can I choose? There's "The First 48" on A&E, "Law & Order" on TNT, and "Wayans Bros." on BET. I'm going with A&E until they show one I've seen and then it's BET. If that's a lame episode, then TNT it is.
P.S. Happy Birthday, America!
Remember Project 365?
It's been on hold for the past two months. I'm coming back in July! A picture a day, I promise.
"Get a place with character," she says. "You don't want to be surrounded by rowdy college students," she says. "Stop being so snooty," she says. "Cookie-cutter apartment complexes are boring," she says.
Yeah, well. I should have told her to shut up. Except the she is me, and I thought I knew what I was talking about. The truth is I am snooty. I'm a stickler for curb appeal. I thought I could suppress the snob in me, and I kind of did. My new place is very rustic. I don't hate it, but it's starting to get to me. I'm starting to miss the little amenities I'd have in a nicer place.
You want to know what finally pushed me over the edge? Take a guess. The deer? Nope, I think they are so cute. The super dark nights? Nope, I either stay in or run for the door. The lack of an enjoyable yard? Nope, I can always go to a park or to campus. Here's what it was: I walked out of my door this morning and there was a tarantula on the front porch. Thankfully it was dead; I think the neighbors or their cat killed it. Rustic I think I can live with, but tarantulas are just a little too rustic.
I'm stuck here for another 11 months. If I don't see another one in that time (please, oh please), then I may reconsider moving. Otherwise, I'm outta here at the first opportunity.
... there is a family of deer and some sort of wild fowl grazing at the end of your street.
(I'll try to snap some pictures soon.)
My first two weeks have gone pretty well. It's a lot to learn and there seem to be at least 3 meetings every week. I have lots of reading and I had to meet with my supervisor and have her remove some things from my training plan to give me more unstructured time.
Speaking of my supervisor, I think she is going to be good to work for. She's very accomodating, she's sharp and knows her cataloging stuff, and she's quick with the praise.
My underlings (heehee) remind me how much I enjoyed working solitarily. Well, they're both really nice, so I shouldn't sound so mean, but MAN can they talk! Both of them are big-time chatterboxes. That's going to take some getting used to.
I've started cataloging some, 9 books so far, and that part I like the best.
I've made some pretty good headway on the unpacking front. But I've also been letting myself slack off a bit. So tonight is going to be the final push. I'm staying up all night until every room is presentable. I don't want to have to do too much on Sunday -- just rest up for The First Day.
I'm at the coffee shop right now. Once I'm done here, I'm going to go across the street to the grocery store for some Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream (that's going to be my reward), then it's home for the unpacking and straightening. No sleep till I'm done!
P.S. Have I mentioned moving sucks? No? Well, it does.
I walked the route to work today. According to Mapquest it's between 1 and 1½ miles. The walk isn't bad at all. It took me 25 minutes door-to-door. There is one big hill near the end, but I made it okay.
The problem is the humidity right now. By the time I got there, I was pretty sweaty. I don't think I'd be able to go to work like that. I could take some toiletries and clean up once I got there.
Biking will be a better option, I think, because it will be faster. I'll be saving up for a bike.
At first I was kind of ticked, but after reading Lass's two posts about having to clean her new place, I don't feel so bad.
My place was presentable, but not clean like I'm used to when I've moved in to apartment complexes. I guess this is what happens when the landlord doesn't have a make-ready team on staff.
I had to vacuum out the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen. There are left over tiling supplies in the bathroom cabinet. The bathtub had muddy footprints in it. There is a layer of dust on the floors throughout the place; I think I'm going to use up all 12 of the Swiffer Wet cloths I bought yesterday. The refrigerator has old crumbs in it, and the stove and oven aren't clean. I hope this means he (the landlord) isn't going to expect immaculateness from me upon move out.
I'm here! Move-out day wasn't bad. One of the movers was hitting on me which kind of got on my nerves, but once my mom got there, he cooled it.
Move-in day was the pits. I'll spare you the gory details, but here's the broad strokes. The driver was alone. Yep, he attempted to move all my things by himself. He got help from a random dude who was working a couple of doors down. My bed frame got mangled. The bed itself got wet which seriously damaged the wood. The couch got wet, but it dried unstained, thankfully.
In case you're wondering, the name of the company was A-1 Movers, Transfer & Storage. They are an agent of Bekins, a well-known national van line which gave me undeserved confidence in them. DO NOT USE THEM!! I get the feeling large, corporate moves might be okay, but I wouldn't take a chance.
I'm going to be filing a claim for damages and writing letters of complaint to all who will listen.
I went to the old watering hole for the last time last night. I haven't been there in months. My Tuesday night habit has long fallen by the wayside.
Guess what I discovered when I looked at the menu. The queso is gone. Completely gone. My beloved queso, subject of previous posts, is gone.
I say it's bittersweet because on one hand it would have been nice to have it one last time and I had been looking forward to it all week, but on the other hand at least this way I won't be in San Marcos pining for it. It's gone. Gone, gone, gone.
Did I mention the queso is gone?
This one was fun to take, but wrong in parts of its analysis. And what the heck is "adventurious?"
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| Politics Your political views would best be described as Conservative, whom you agree with around 50% of the time. | Socioeconomic Your attitude toward life best associates you with Lower Middle Class. You make more than 85% of those who have taken this test, and 3% less than the U.S. average. |
| If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13. By the way, your hottness rank is 60%, hotter than 47% of other test takers. |
I was just talking to some ladies the other day about the bewildering new trend of parents bringing their kids to church loaded down with snacks. Mass lasts an hour. You mean your kids can't go an hour without crackers or Cheerios?
Every week it seems like more and more parents are doing it. They bring in zipper sandwich bags full of cereal, crackers, fruit snacks, or Cheetos. The kids are toddlers up to kindergarten age, I don't mean infants who need their bottles or haven't yet learned to sit still for an hour. You know these kids go to school or day care of some sort where they don't snack all day. An hour is just not that long.
So, today took the cake. In addition to all the snack bags, I saw a little girl, 4-5 years old, reach to the floor and bring up ... wait for it ... a can of Diet Coke. I have officially seen it all. I want to ask these people if they think they're going to a movie theater!
I'm so happy that things are falling into place for my new venture. I started looking at craigslist last week and finally saw a worthwhile posting on Monday. I called the landlord and told him I was planning to come and see it on Saturday (today). He had been afraid that he wouldn't find someone to rent it for June 1 (he just finished renovating it and he usually gets a 2-3 month headstart before finding a taker).
I called around to some other ads but nothing was working out. Towards the end of the week, my butterflies came back. One of the agencies I called said they were "all cleaned out" from students moving in. The "worthwhile" landlord told me some people had looked at the place, but one wasn't good for him because she didn't want to take the place until the end of June and the other person had bad credit and bad rental history. That's when I got kind of nervous. My credit is in bad shape right now. I was planning to explain to him that while I've gotten into trouble with credit card debt, I've never paid my rent late. I took the phone numbers of my current and previous property managers so he could verify that.
Well, I called the guy when I saw the place (it is beautiful, btw), he came to meet me and my mom and show us the inside, I told him I liked it and asked for the application. He said, "Oh, there's no need for that, I'm going to rent it to you." I was so happy! He only asked if I am on good terms with my current landlord and if I'm leaving without breaking the lease. I told him that my lease ends at the end of June, so I'll have a little overlap, but other than that all is well.
He has completely remodeled the place -- all new paint, crown molding, wainscoting, cabinetry, appliances and ceramic tile. The back yard could use some work, but he said he's planning to fix it up; it got messed up during the renovation work with all the supplies and contractors and such. I took a million pics, and I'll post them to flickr soon.
I'm going to be a nervous wreck by the time this move happens. I've been calling and emailing movers to get estimates. The movers I used last time are booked solid, so I'm going to have to go with some new company.
What did me in was stumbling across www.movingscam.com. Oh, the horrors! Now I'm so scared I'm either going to get hosed by movers who hold my stuff hostage while trying to extort more money out of me, or hosed by movers who take frequent smoke breaks, rest breaks, etc. trying to drive up the hourly charge, or my stuff is going to be nothing more than a pile of kindling when we arrive.
I started getting butterflies last night and I really don't see them subsiding until this is all over.
This week is National Women's Health Week. As part of the education effort, the FDA has compiled information on women's health, including booklets on treating depression, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol and tips on food safety. It is available for free from the Federal Citizen Information Center at www.pueblo.gsa.gov.
Get one now!
P.S. The order form includes links to the publications online if you'd rather read them in electronic form.
I got the job! I'm excited and scared all at the same time.
I had a lot of thinking to do over the last week. After I had the talk with my supervisor on Friday, she came to my office on Tuesday and told me that she had some plans in the works. She asked the librarian who took my previous position if she'd like to move to serials and she agreed. Then she asked my assistant if she'd like to take some reference hours to cover for the librarian taking over serials and she agreed. It was incredibly flattering that N. would make these moves for me. And they were good moves. If I decided to stay, that would be exactly what I would want. So, like I said, I had a lot of thinking to do.
I was making a list of pros and cons in my head. I was talking to friends and family and getting advice/opinions. Ultimately I decided that the only thing that really made me want to stay was fear -- fear of the unknown. That's not to say that there aren't things I will miss, and miss terribly. But moving away will be a great opportunity for me.
So, the admin from TSU called Thursday, confirmed the salary she quoted last week, and asked me to let her know Monday what day I want to start. I'm hoping it will be June 11. That will give me 3 weeks at work to finish up and a week off to get settled.
And now the fun begins: packing and moving!
Have you seen the commercial for the new chewable birth control pill?
The spokesperson goes on about how every day is different for her so she needs the flexibility of a chewable pill so she can take her pill at the same time everyday. They show her on the street, in an office, at the gym, and at some design center type place. They show her chewing the pill and going about her business.
This implies to me that she can just pop the pill out, chew it, and go. But then in the fine print it says "Followed by a full glass of liquid." What the hell? How does that add to anyone's flexibility? You still have to have water. I'm not seeing the benefit.
She can be on the street, in an office, at the gym, and at some design center type place with a REGULAR pill, and take it just like this new-fangled one. On a second viewing, I notice that in each of the shots she has liquid nearby, but they never show her drink anything. Sneaky!
At first I was thinking that she could chew the pill on the street then drink something later when she got to her destination, but no. The website says you have to follow it immediately with 8 oz. of liquid.
If they wanted to have some integrity, they should have marketed this for women who have trouble swallowing pills. This "flexibility" angle doesn't hold water (no pun intended).
I had the talk with my supervisor, N, yesterday morning, asking if it was okay if TSU contacted her for a reference.
She agreed of course, then went on to say that she would hate to lose me. She told me to think over the weekend of what duties I'd like to have, come up with a title for it, and she'd give me that position. That is extremely flattering. However, her idea was for me to work on the current cataloger's backlog and the reclassification project that she's been sitting on for at least 10 years (I'm not exaggerating). I told her that I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
We had a long talk about how the current cataloger, L, is not performing and how the library as a whole has been making concessions for her. I said it would be different if L were genuinely overwhelmed and couldn't handle the workload, but she can do the work. She just doesn't. I don't want to do the work someone is being paid to do and choosing not to do. She spends time on her outside interests during work hours and N knows this! N went on and on during our talk about how she's displeased with L's work. It boggles my mind. When someone is not performing and her supervisor is unhappy with her work, the solution is not to get people to cover for her. That's not how the world works.
I asked her if she planned to address the cataloger's problems in any way. She told me that she has written her up once for insubordination. That was because whenever N confronts L about her work or the lack of organization in her office or the boxes of books that have piled up, L yells at her. Literally yells. At her boss. Where the whole office can hear.
One plan I came up with was to be the main cataloger and make L be something like "special projects cataloger." Then she could finally finish that project and work on her own backlog. At first I was thinking that could be my position and by the time I finished that, maybe L would be ready to retire. Then I thought, why not reverse it? And then when she finishes her own project (in 5 more years, lol), she can retire.
I will mention this to N, even though I've decided it's better for my career in the long run to go to TSU. Their support for professional development is really the clincher. If I were to stay here, it would be super easy for me, but I'd be stagnating. In 5 years I'd be so behind the times, it would be a tragedy. We're not doing anything with the emerging technologies and there's no money for education. I know I could really push and get N to fund me to go on a conference or two. But I also know myself. If I were going to do that, I would have done it by now. I need the challenge of the requirements in order to make myself do it. And I need the reward for my efforts that I'll get there. At this point, no one reviews us or recommends us for increases in rank.
I'm going to talk about all this with N next week. I have to craft it just right, because I don't want it to sound accusatory. I want her to know what a detriment L is to the library. Her poor performance affects other departments than her own and N should know that people are aggravated. I don't know if it will do any good because N does not believe in firing people, but maybe a demotion would be in order.
I got a call from the administrative services librarian at TSU yesterday afternoon. She said they are recommending me for hire!!! YAY!
Of course, until HR gets done with their part it is only a tentative offer, so I have to keep that in mind. I don't want to count my chickens before they're hatched. (I'm on a roll with the catchy titles, huh?)
Hopefully the HR part is just a technicality. The admin librarian said she should be able to call me by mid-week with the formal offer. She was able to tell me the proposed salary and it's a little more than my minimum required, and $4618 more than I would be making after my (measly) 3% raise here. (For those who just tuned in, the 3% is measly because we haven't had any increase in 5 years.)
I'm not celebrating just yet, but at the end of the week ... watch out!
I had my in person interview with TSU on Tuesday.
Sunday night I decided to write to the chair of the search committee to get an idea of what the interview would entail. Thank goodness I did, because the schedule he sent me had me meeting with people from 9 am until 4:30! I hurriedly called the travel arrangement person and asked if I could have an additional night's stay at the bed & breakfast where they were putting me up. There's no way I'd be able to drive home after answering questions for that long.
The interview day seemed to go very well. There was tons of repetition (hence the title of this post), everyone was very nice, and I was able to get a little free time. I had two scheduled breaks, but I was accompanied by staff on both of them, so I still had to be "on." Near the end of the day, the chair of the committee kind of pulled me aside and said, "You did very well. We'll be in contact with you as soon as we can," and gave me a kind of 'knowing' look. I'm hoping that was a big hint!
On the way home Wednesday, the department head called and asked if she could have my permission to contact my supervisor. I had initially said no because I wasn't ready to break the news that I'm looking elsewhere for work. I had to give permission, though, because they're required to speak to either my current supervisor or the one immediately prior. They're the same person. So, tomorrow or Monday, I'm going to have the talk. I'm sure she'll give me a good recommendation, the thought of telling her just makes me nervous. At any rate, the fact that they're checking references is a very good sign!
God sure is prompt. I finished a novena to the Sacred Heart yesterday for the Texas State University job. Today they called and want me to come in for a second interview! I'm so excited.
My interview is on Tuesday. They are reimbursing me for mileage, putting me up in a bed & breakfast, and paying for my meals on Tuesday. The head of the cataloging department called me this afternoon and offered to pick me up from the hotel and take me to breakfast. I'm so impressed with them. I was completely on my own for the Angleton trip.
I'm also impressed with the information they sent me today. It's about the Librarian Career Ladder and their professional development requirements. Things are so lax at UD. We are supposed to have rank and retention reviews every two years. I've been there 7 years and have never had one. No one cares if we do any type of professional development, which means no one does any. I think I would enjoy the challenge this will provide and I'll definitely enjoy learning more about my field.
I hope I like what I see and hear on Tuesday. I really want this job to work out! Thank you, God!
I really need some help. I look at my thighs when I'm in the shower and think, "Jeez, how have I let my weight get this out of control?"
Then since coming home tonight I've eaten french fries, the last bit of tuna salad, two servings of potato chips, and three peanut butter-filled fudge cookies.
This has got to stop.
I had quite an exciting morning. My interview with Texas State University was scheduled for 9 a.m. The phone rang at 8:45. Guess who it was! The personnel manager from Brazoria County Library System. Yep, they offered me the job at the salary I requested on my application. I asked for a day to consider it.
On one hand, I'm extremely flattered and proud of myself. On the other hand, I am incredibly excited about the prospect of the TSU job. Even more so now that I've had the chance to talk to them. So, I'm going to call BCLS in the morning and decline their offer. I have thought long and hard about it. I've come to this conclusion: If BCLS was my only option, I would take the job. But at this point, I'd rather wait on TSU. I think I would regret taking BCLS and later finding out that TSU would hire me more than I would regret not taking BCLS and later finding out that TSU would not hire me.
If TSU doesn't hire me, I'll just start over. I still have University of Georgia in the wings, and there will be other postings, I'm sure.
Texas State Representative Dawnna Dukes authored and read House Resolution 1502:
In Celebration of National Library Week and National Library Workers
Day
WHEREAS, our state's public, academic, school and specialized
libraries, and the people who work in them, are valued resources;
WHEREAS, libraries play a vital role in supporting the quality of life
in their communities-places for opportunity, education, self-help and
lifelong learning;
WHEREAS, librarians are trained professionals, helping people of all
ages and backgrounds find and interpret the information they need to live,
learn and work in the 21st century;
WHEREAS, in 2005, Texans borrowed 100 million items from public
libraries, and got help with nearly 24 million reference questions (66,000 per
day!);
WHEREAS, research shows that students who attend schools with good
school libraries headed by librarians perform better on standardized tests;
WHEREAS, libraries are a key player in the national discourse on
intellectual freedom, equity of access, and narrowing the "digital
divide;"
WHEREAS, all Texans and all Texas libraries benefit from the resources
and services provided by the Texas State Library and Archives Commission
and the commission's dedicated staff;
WHEREAS, libraries, librarians, library workers and supporters across
America are celebrating National Library Week and National Library
Workers Day.
NOW, THEREFORE, be it resolved that the 80th Texas Legislature
proclaims National Library Week, April 15-21, 2007, and National Library Workers
Day, April 17. I encourage Texans to visit their local library this week to
take advantage of the wonderful library resources available and thank their
librarians and library workers for making information accessible to all
who walk through the library's doors.
| What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio. | |
| The South | |
| The West | |
| Philadelphia | |
| Boston | |
| The Northeast | |
| The Inland North | |
| North Central | |
| What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz | |
I'm legitimately using sick time. I realize how weird hoping to be sick is. I just can't help it.
Anyway, I woke up dizzy Tuesday morning, then got an earache and headache. I'm pretty sure it's related to my sinuses. Today, I felt better, but still stayed in. Tonight, I figured a shower and clean clothes would be good and then back to work tomorrow. In the back of my mind, I wondered if I should milk it another day, but just about decided against it. However, after the shower and fixing something for dinner, I was dizzy again. I have a headache localized behind my eyes and my other ear is aching.
Tomorrow morning I'll go get medicine, juice and soup. Tuesday I drove to the post office and was pretty woozy. I think if I make just a quick trip, I'll be okay.
I love this song from the Life Chocolate Oat Crunch commercial!
Well, the chocolate drought is over. My grand total of wishful spending is $10.40. Not that much really. I thought I would have done more damage. I also thought I would go on some sort of chocolate binge once Lent was over, but I haven't. I had chocolate chip waffles Easter morning, but that's all I've wanted. I walked by half-price Easter candy in the store, but it was just 'meh.' I guess it was the forbidden-ness of it that made it so appealing just a few weeks ago.
I had a second interview last week with the Brazoria County Library System. It went well, I think. The part I hate most about interviews is the first couple of hours right afterwards when my brain is buzzing with all the things I should have said. That's torture!
I have an initial interview with Texas State University on the 18th. This job is my first choice. That is, the job as I understand it now. Once I interview I may find that it's not what I expected. My hope is that I don't get offered the BCLS position until after I've had a chance to interview with TSU.
I have applications out at several other places, two of which I'm seriously interested in. One at the Sonoma County Library and one at the University of Georgia Law Library.
All of these jobs require relocation. That wasn't initially my goal, but I haven't found any attractive listings for local positions. Now I'm kind of excited about the idea of moving and getting a fresh start somewhere. It will be scary of course, but I think it will also be fun. It might be the kick in the pants I need to get over my shyness and to come out of my shell. I did it when I went to college and didn't know a soul. I'm sure I can do it again.
Pretty soon, I'm going to need an intervention. I am becoming addicted to having and using my own bags at grocery stores.
I have had four giant bags for a little over a year now. They are fantastic to have along when I'm buying lots of groceries or household items. I wanted a smaller tote to use when I'm just picking up a few items. Crafty Lass gave me an over-the-shoulder tote.
Then, I was in Tom Thumb last week and they were selling totes for 99¢. I had to have one!
Today I was in Whole Foods. They had the cutest bags! The size is somewhere between the Tom Thumb one and my giant ones. The kicker? They come in a zipper pouch for easy storage! They were $1.99. I walked away, but I can't promise that I won't feel those bags calling me. Help!!
I'm working at the reference desk today. I think this is my most hated of all tasks in the library. I only have to do it once a month, thankfully, but these are such dreadfully long days.
The positive side of it is that I get Monday off. I can get weekday errands done without using my precious vacation time.
Speaking of time off, I was thinking of using some of my sick time for personal days since I am never sick. I take a "mental health" day every now and then, but I haven't taken any extended time. A friend, who shall remain namelass nameless, says she tries to use up all her yearly allotment of sick time. I have 25 days right now; I'd like to take four or five days off. The thing that stops me is the required lie. With the "mental health" days, I just call and say I'm not feeling well. That's at least technically true: I'm not feeling well enough to deal with coming in to this gosh-forsaken heck hole. But to take a week, I'd have to have the flu or strep throat or something.
If I can figure out a crafty wording that's just this side of the truth, I'll do it. Suggestions welcome!
Dear Derick Evans, Constable, Dallas County, Precinct 1,
You, by way of Officer B. Still (what a name, right?), have wasted my time. I received a citation from Officer Still on March 1. Said citation instructed me to appear "on or before March 15 at 10:00 a.m." Well, I appeared March 13, March 14, and March 15. However, I was not able to enter a plea and resolve my case because my citation has not been entered "in the system."
Has B. Still not uploaded the citations he wrote? He says he has, but I suspect that isn't the case. I am trying to perform my duties as a lawful citizen, but I am being thwarted by either the incompetence of your officer, the defectiveness of your computer system, or the general inefficiency of your office.
Now I am to understand that my time is going to continue to be wasted as I have to call regularly to find out if my citation appears "in the system." I want you to know that I am very displeased with this situation. I also want to remind you that yours is an elected position, and while I do not live in your precinct, I know many who do.
Your unwitting victim,
Samsara
Dear Häagen Dazs coffee ice cream,
I hope that you don't mind too much that I am using you as a substitute for my usual favorite, Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk. I do really like you for you. Couldn't you tell by the way I walked up and down the ice cream aisle twice looking for you? When I couldn't find you after the first pass, I picked up Buttered Pecan but put it back. Coffee is what I craved. Then, behold! There you were hiding behind Dulce de Leche. I'm so glad I made a second pass. I hope you enjoy your brief stay in my freezer.
Your occasional fan,
Samsara
Dear Kashi,
First off, I want you to know that I love you. It is with compassion that I tell you, please, for the love of all that is yummy, stick to cold cereals. I have tried the Apple Cinnamon Go Lean hot cereal. Not good. I'm sorry. I tried to like it, I really did. I thought it was the flavor. So when I saw that there was a Golden Brown Maple flavor of Heart to Heart Oatmeal, I had Lass to get some for me. I love Maple and Brown Sugar instant oatmeal. Alas, it is not good either. I can't describe exactly what's wrong with it, and I don't want to eat more to pinpoint it.
Honestly, every variety of your cold cereal that I've tried, I have loved. You have perfected healthy cold cereal. I think you should stick to your strengths. Let Quaker have the hot cereal market, okay?
Thanks,
Your faithful cold cereal customer,
Samsara
Dear M·A·C,
I'm on to you. I have figured out your sneaky scheme. I come to you for a little help covering up the evidence of past breakouts. You know, those dark spots and not-quite-gone-yet blemishes. You do a fine job covering them, but behind the scenes you're hard at work creating new blemishes. That's right, new blemishes that I'll want to cover up... with more M·A·C!
Well, I'm not participating in your cruel game anymore. Yes, I've said that before. Yes, I came back. No, I'm not coming back anymore. I stopped using your powder a week ago and I see a tremendous improvement. You won't trick me again.
Your sucker no more,
Samsara
The problem with having two cats is that when I come home to find my bed soaked in urine, I have no idea who the culprit is. Grr. Maybe one day they'll come up with home cat DNA exams.
I just saw Breach. Is it weird that I just feel sorry for Robert Hanssen? I know that he was convicted of doing horrible things including betraying sources, at least 3 of whom were killed. Still, I think it was a sad story and I hate to think of him spending the rest of his life in solitary confinement. And since I've never heard his side of the story, in the back of my mind, I'm entertaining thoughts that perhaps he was set up. Crazy, I know.
Anyway, I highly recommend the movie. I thought it was a great character study. (And Ryan Phillipe is quite yummy. Lol.)
I was just re-reading last year's post about Lent. This year is pretty similar. I've gotten even more lax about my spirituality, although I've been improving in the last two weeks.
My plan for this year is to go to Stations of the Cross on the Fridays of Lent like I did last year. I didn't make it every week; I think I missed one or two, but it was a wonderful experience. This year I'm starting off in the hole. I had to miss this past Friday because of a hair appointment I made a month ago. Friday of this week I'll be in Chicago. I'll have to do the devotion myself sometime this week.
As far as giving something up, this year it's chocolate. I'm planning on going a step further and setting aside the money I'd spend on candy or ice cream and donating it. I haven't had any cravings yet, but when I do, I'll think about what I would buy and set that amount aside. I have read that at least part of the rationale for abstaining from meat on Fridays was to give the money that would have been spent on meat to the poor. I think the point of Lent is not merely to torture ourselves, but to sacrifice something and use that sacrifice in the service of others. That is what Christ did after all.
I've put off cleaning my apartment for weeks now. Every weekend I tell myself I'm going to do it. I never do. I kind of tidy up the kitchen and clean the litter box. That's it.
As pathetic as this may sound for a single person in a one bedroom apartment, I've decided to hire help. I was originally planning to hire a real maid, but I kept thinking I'd still have to tidy up the clutter because she wouldn't know where to put things. Instead I'm hiring my niece. She has cleaned for me once before in my last apartment (even smaller than this one). She's going to do it Thursday night so that it's clean before I leave for Chicago.
Now, if I can just get the laundry done tomorrow. Fluff-n-fold service is really tempting right now.
I was in Lass's favorite store, JoAnn, buying buttons to put on a skirt. It was taking me forever to decide. I'd pick up a pack, put it down, pick up another pack, put it down. I almost had my mind made up, had three packs of one style in my hand when I bent down to get a closer look at another pack. While I was down there, a woman came up behind me and said, "Ooh, I just bought those buttons." I looked up and it was Erykah Badu! I bought them. If they were good enough for her, they're good enough for me.
I don't have a Valentine this year (just like last year, and the year before that, and the year before that, and ... you get the idea), but I don't care. I'm not too down about it. All I really care about is the candy. First I was thinking I'd buy myself some tomorrow when it will all be half-price. But I had a dentist's appointment this morning, and the receptionist was giving out heart-shaped boxes of candy. Probably trying to drum up business, but chocolate is chocolate!
Happy V-Day everybody!
Update: Chocolate isn't chocolate. The candies were soft centers. Definitely my least favorite. I ate the chocolate filled one, bit into and gagged on the strawberry and raspberry ones, and just bit and discarded the caramel. Oh, well. It's the thought that counts.
As you know, the experiment has been concluded. I promised to tell you what I learned. I think casually dating someone for whom you have serious feelings can't be done. Granted, I didn't try for very long. But by the time I ended it, I was a wreck. For two days before the end I was having tremendous pain in my shoulder. I was all set to schedule a massage for myself. The second day I was almost in tears and popping ibuprofen like mad. I thought it was just general tension, poor posture, etc. But when I told Brett I couldn't date him anymore, my shoulder stopped hurting. I don't think it was instant; I just know the next day I thought, "Hey, I'm not in pain."
I can say that if I hadn't gone to the therapist and heard her say outright that I was fooling myself, I may have continued on. That was really the trigger. So, if you can live with blinders on, such an experiment might work for you. But do any of us really have time to waste on someone who doesn't want the same things we want? I don't think so.
It's hard because while I don't want to settle for less than what I deserve, by not dating Brett anymore, I don't have anything. In other words, I know I had a lot to lose. It's not like with Brian. He was a jerk and only wanted to see me on his terms for his purposes. There was nothing to lose there. I gained by (finally) dumping him. I know in the long-term I have gained by "dumping" Brett, too. In the short-term, not so much.
To mitigate the loss, I've decided to remain friends with him. Not stupid "I'm-just-waiting-till-you-change-your-mind" friends, but real platonic friends. He really is a good person and fun to be around. We went out Sunday for coffee. We talked and played cards. It was nice. This will definitely be an adjustment. I think it will be worth it.
I think I already know the answer to this, but: Is it wrong to update my resume at work when I'm using it to apply for another job? I haven't actually done it. I was all set to work on it tonight when I remembered I don't have Word on my laptop. I used to do my Paralegal homework in OpenOffice, then clean it up in Word when I got to work. That was probably wrong, too.
I've put off buying a copy because I know as soon as I do, I'll find the copy of Office 97 that I bought years ago. Brett mentioned a free download of a beta version of Office 07. I'll have to look for that. I could also try Google Docs, but I'm not confident formatting will be any better than OpenOffice.
I told Brett yesterday that I couldn't go out to dinner with him tonight. Something clicked in me Wednesday, especially after seeing the therapist, and I was horribly depressed. I just can't pretend anymore. I was torn about the dinner; I kept waffling back and forth about whether I should go and at least let that be our last date. I talked to my sister about it. She told me to be true to myself which is exactly what I haven't been lately. I had to cancel. What's the point of going on a romantic date when it's all a fake?
It was kind of awkward after I told him. It was by email. First he wrote, "What is going on?" I wrote, "Can we talk about this tonight?" I didn't want to get into it by email. He wrote back, "I guess I already know what's going on so you don't have to explain yourself." I thanked him for letting me off the hook. He wrote back, "Good luck. I think you're wonderful." I was a little thrown off by the 'good luck.' What does that mean? So, last night I wrote him and told him the part about how I haven't been true to myself. I didn't go into any long explanation because I know we've talked this issue to death. I told him that I sincerely want to be friends with him. He wrote back that he'd love to be my friend.
I don't know how this is going to work out. I really value his friendship, and he has told me that I'm his best friend. I don't know if that will continue. I don't think I can see him just yet, but I'd love to continue to talk to him on the phone. I'm not calling though. I consider writing to him last night as reaching out. I want him to make the next move when he's ready.
I had my first session with the therapist this morning. I think she is going to help me a lot. She shoots straight, that's for sure. She told me I'm fooling myself about Brett. Her exact words. No fluff, no sugar coating. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but definitely what I needed to hear. So now I don't have to figure out what I should do. And yes, I probably knew that all along. I told her I need courage to do what I have to. ...After our date at Ruth's Chris this weekend, that is. ;-)
This article by Jan Denise has really inspired me to stop complaining and start changing. I want to figure out what it is I want in life and then take real steps to achieve it. It's not hopeless.
Ideal Is Waiting For You
Valentine's Day taps your fantasy. You may be perfectly content until Cupid rears his head with images of what could be … and makes that frozen dinner in front of the TV look downright pitiful.
Don't confuse you with pitiful!
Close your eyes, take a deep breath and relax. As you get sleepier, imagine your ideal romantic relationship. Look at the details. How do you feel? What do you look like? Where are you? What are you doing? Who is your partner?
Wake up, but don't dismiss your dream as impossible.
Next, close your eyes and look objectively at your life as it is. Look at the details, and ask yourself the same questions.
Again, don't confuse you with pitiful.
Identify the disparities between the two pictures. What stops you from living your ideal life? Is it really your ideal life … or is it just some fantasy you conjured up when you were 16?
Whenever and whatever, you created the fantasy. You also created the reality. You can change both.
Now, be honest with yourself. Are you "perfectly content" until Cupid shows up? Or are you perfectly complacent?
When YOU live up to your ideal, so does your reality.
Take the time to know what your ideal relationship — and life — really looks like. Then go about living them. You don't have to change who you are; you simply have to be who you are! And you have nothing better or more important to do!
If in your fantasy (today's) you weigh 10 pounds less, lose the weight. If you smile instead of complaining, smile. If kissing is more important than working, kiss more. If you live someplace else, move.
If you have a partner, collaborate. Don't arbitrarily pick your fantasy over your partner's and then try to squeeze him or her into a mold that doesn't fit.
Find out what does fit.
Maybe the city doesn't fit both of you. Maybe the country doesn't. Maybe the beach does.
Maybe you are too tired in the morning. Maybe he is too tired at night. Maybe you are both awake and amorous in the afternoon.
Come on, this is important. Take the time to figure out how to be you and still be coupled with the one you love.
Forget about all the excuses to go without and be unhappy. The only thing that stands in your way is you. You can and will be as happy as you want to be.
If you are not motivated to live the life you want, you haven't really imagined it yet. Close your eyes again and raise the bar. See whether there's a dream inside that you have suppressed, one that inspires your strength and creativity … one that feels so much like you that it seems possible.
There is nothing pitiful about you! If you want that frozen dinner, eat it with a smile and nothing to prove. Eat it and have time to paint or read or stretch your muscles. If you don't want that frozen dinner, give it to somebody who does.
Don't wait for Valentine's Day to live your fantasy. You can't live your fantasy one day a year. You can't magically be transformed to fit into the picture.
You can be transformed, though. So can your fantasy. And when one reflects the other, every day is Valentine's Day or some other perfectly YOU day.
Close your eyes, and release the to-do list and self-imposed boundaries. What do you see that you want to make your reality today?
Jan Denise is a columnist, author of the book "Naked Relationships," speaker and coach based in Ormond by the Sea, Fla. Please e-mail her at jandenise@nakedrelationships.com, or visit her Web site at www.nakedrelationships.com. To find out more about Jan Denise, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
After almost five months I finally went to confession. I wanted to have either Fr. Vic or Fr. Phillip hear it. Traffic conspired against me on Thursday when Fr. Vic was on duty, so I left work early on Friday to get to Fr. Phillip. He hears confession on campus, but there is always a long line even if I get there 10 minutes early. I took no chances this time and got there 20 minutes early. Even so, I was 3rd in line. I felt better afterward, and I'm looking forward to finally being able to receive Communion on Sunday.
"Confession of our faults is the next thing to innocence."
- Publilius Syrus, Maxim 1060.
Earlier I wrote that my new favorite show is The First 48. I especially love it when the episode includes a Dallas case. Memphis is my second favorite because Carolyn Mason is a real badass.
I almost hate it when it's in Miami because Detective Joe Schillaci annoys me to no end. They let him monologue about his past, his inner feelings, and whatever other crap he wants to wax on about overemotionally. When a young woman was the victim, we had to watch him get all misty and call his daughter at the crack of dawn. Yeah, I'm sure that didn't freak her out at all. When the investigation took him to a drug den, we had to listen to him go on and on about his former career as an undercover narcotics officer. This monologue came complete with pictures of him in his various disguises. The last episode I watched, we saw him get the call to report while he was at home. We had to watch him in the bathroom getting dressed and slicking his hair back, yakking the whole time. He's Joe Pesci's less-talented, overcompensating brother. Ugh. Now I read he's getting his own show. I hope this means he won't be on The First 48 so much. But apparently, according to his website, we A&E viewers have made him our favorite. Not likely. That is, except for those viewers who can't even spell 'Yay.'"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I just love you guys...I saw the promo last night for the first time and my husband thought I was nuts cause I jumped up dancing yelling Yaaaaaaaaaa...lol"
That poor woman.
I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I feel so confused all the time. Not talking to Brett sometimes and being in control of when we see each other was empowering at first. Now I feel like I'm totally out of control, and he's not in control either, so there's no real direction. I change my mind constantly about what I want, I have no clue where this is heading, and I'm in almost constant conflict. I've already decided I'm calling on Monday to get an appointment with a therapist. I need professional, objective help in sorting this out.
So here's what's happened so far:
Brett and I went for coffee on Monday and had a nice time. He asked me if I'd like to go out at night sometime. It was exactly the same way he asked me out the first time we met. It was so cute. I said yes. We stayed out only for a couple of hours. He asked if I wanted to get something to eat, but I didn't. When he dropped me off, he said that he hoped we could go on a longer date sometime. That made me feel good. I have been afraid that he's just trying to let me down easy; that he really doesn't want to date me, but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. But, his saying those things on Monday was reassuring.
Tuesday night we talked and he asked if we could spend the night together. I said no. Thursday night he asked if I wanted him to bring food over. I had already eaten and my place was a mess, so I suggested that I go over to his place after he got something to eat and after I watched my new favorite show, The First 48. We spent the night together and it was nice, like old times. (No s-e-x. That's been settled.)
We have had a lot of contact in the last week. Originally I said I didn't want to talk to him everyday, but that has fallen by the wayside. There's always something that comes up for us to talk about. We have great conversations.
I want to see him this weekend, but I also want to see if I can go a whole weekend without talking to him (See, conflict. I told you!). For now, my phone is turned off and I'm going to work on cleaning my apartment.
I bought a clock at IKEA over the summer. I searched and made sure that the clock I bought didn't have a second hand because ticking drives me insane. Brett hung the clock for me several months ago and everything was fine. No ticking. I made sure to listen for it.
Then, about a month ago, I was watching a movie and I kept hearing ticking. At first I thought it was some weird sound effect. It was an independent movie after all. Lol. I muted the sound on the TV, but still heard the ticking. I discovered that it was the clock! How on earth could that happen? No ticking for months, then it just starts ticking? And there's no second hand? It's obviously the works in the back making the noise, but I have no idea how to stop it.
For once, I'm grateful for my refrigerator cycling on. That's the only thing that consistently drowns out the ticking. Right now I'm sitting on the couch with headphones on listening to my Launchcast station. I can still hear the ticking though. I suppose I could crank up the volume and deafen myself. That'd be one way to stop hearing the ticking! I'll have to look harder for a clock that markets itself as silent. Or go digital, though that's not as aesthetically pleasing.
...what it's like to casually date someone whom you already love, I'm conducting an experiment just for you!
Sunday Brett and I spent the day together. We saw Children of Men, had coffee at my favorite coffee shop, went out to eat, then came back to my place for one last roll in the hay. I really don't know what things are going to be like from now on. He says constantly that he still wants to date me, he wants us to stay in each other's lives. I want those things too. I have really come to depend on his friendship.
I've set only two ground rules: 1) No daily contact and 2) No s-e-x. He doesn't want to be in a serious relationship, so we've got to take the seriousness out, and those are the only ways I know how to do it. Again, I have no clue how this will all turn out. I'm hoping to be able to date other people, if for nothing else than to occupy my time. I think he may date other people too. I don't want to ask.
Today was the first day of no daily contact. This is only the second day since we started corresponding back in September that we haven't contacted each other in some way. The first day was when I asked him to give me a day to process the break-up. Other than that we have written, texted, IMed or called each other every day, usually multiple times per day. That seems so crazy! We really hit the ground running, you know?
I've never been in a situation like this. We're essentially going backwards. I don't know if that can be done successfully. At the very least I hope we remain friends. This experiment isn't going to be scientific, but I'll let you know what I learn from it.
Update: Brett texted me and asked if he could call. I said yes and we talked for half an hour about some news he had gotten about friends. So maybe tomorrow will be the second day ever during which we don't contact each other. Lol.
