Results

As you know, the experiment has been concluded. I promised to tell you what I learned. I think casually dating someone for whom you have serious feelings can't be done. Granted, I didn't try for very long. But by the time I ended it, I was a wreck. For two days before the end I was having tremendous pain in my shoulder. I was all set to schedule a massage for myself. The second day I was almost in tears and popping ibuprofen like mad. I thought it was just general tension, poor posture, etc. But when I told Brett I couldn't date him anymore, my shoulder stopped hurting. I don't think it was instant; I just know the next day I thought, "Hey, I'm not in pain."

I can say that if I hadn't gone to the therapist and heard her say outright that I was fooling myself, I may have continued on. That was really the trigger. So, if you can live with blinders on, such an experiment might work for you. But do any of us really have time to waste on someone who doesn't want the same things we want? I don't think so.

It's hard because while I don't want to settle for less than what I deserve, by not dating Brett anymore, I don't have anything. In other words, I know I had a lot to lose. It's not like with Brian. He was a jerk and only wanted to see me on his terms for his purposes. There was nothing to lose there. I gained by (finally) dumping him. I know in the long-term I have gained by "dumping" Brett, too. In the short-term, not so much.

To mitigate the loss, I've decided to remain friends with him. Not stupid "I'm-just-waiting-till-you-change-your-mind" friends, but real platonic friends. He really is a good person and fun to be around. We went out Sunday for coffee. We talked and played cards. It was nice. This will definitely be an adjustment. I think it will be worth it.