The experiment so far

I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I feel so confused all the time. Not talking to Brett sometimes and being in control of when we see each other was empowering at first. Now I feel like I'm totally out of control, and he's not in control either, so there's no real direction. I change my mind constantly about what I want, I have no clue where this is heading, and I'm in almost constant conflict. I've already decided I'm calling on Monday to get an appointment with a therapist. I need professional, objective help in sorting this out.

So here's what's happened so far:

Brett and I went for coffee on Monday and had a nice time. He asked me if I'd like to go out at night sometime. It was exactly the same way he asked me out the first time we met. It was so cute. I said yes. We stayed out only for a couple of hours. He asked if I wanted to get something to eat, but I didn't. When he dropped me off, he said that he hoped we could go on a longer date sometime. That made me feel good. I have been afraid that he's just trying to let me down easy; that he really doesn't want to date me, but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. But, his saying those things on Monday was reassuring.

Tuesday night we talked and he asked if we could spend the night together. I said no. Thursday night he asked if I wanted him to bring food over. I had already eaten and my place was a mess, so I suggested that I go over to his place after he got something to eat and after I watched my new favorite show, The First 48. We spent the night together and it was nice, like old times. (No s-e-x. That's been settled.)

We have had a lot of contact in the last week. Originally I said I didn't want to talk to him everyday, but that has fallen by the wayside. There's always something that comes up for us to talk about. We have great conversations.

I want to see him this weekend, but I also want to see if I can go a whole weekend without talking to him (See, conflict. I told you!). For now, my phone is turned off and I'm going to work on cleaning my apartment.