145

145
Originally uploaded by erloteiel

So I'm down four more pounds. I'm at the weight I was when I arrived in San Marcos.

That's good. I've lost 14 pounds. That's good. Sadly, I have to keep telling myself that because I've gotten discouraged this week. I haven't abandoned the program, but I'm really having to work on my self-talk.

I feel discouraged because I've lost 14 pounds and I don't really feel a whole lot has changed. I think it's because I would expect to feel a big difference in my clothes and see more of a change in my body. Deep down I know I'm not seeing that change because I was at the mid 140's for a long time. It feels like I'm where I started, I think, because I just put on these 14 pounds within the last 6 months and I was still able to squeeze in my old clothes.

I'm also discouraged thinking about my diet. I've finally started tracking my calories, and while the caloric intake per day is in the right range, I'm way off on my fat/carb/protein ratio. I'm going to have to start tracking dietary exchanges like I used to years ago. I was hoping to avoid that work, but if I want to be sure that I'm not losing muscle (which I'm sure I am now, another reason 14 pounds doesn't feel like 14 pounds), I'm going to have to bite the bullet and do it.

So, onwards and upwards. Or rather, downwards. Or upwards in my attitude and downwards in my weight. You know what I mean.