Happy Holidays!

So, I decided to take Brett up on his offer to keep our holiday plans. Why should my holidays suck because he's unsure of what he wants? I didn't have him go to my parents' Christmas party. I figured that would require too many explanations in a couple of weeks. Aside from that, everything is still on. We're going to midnight Mass tomorrow night (his idea, surprisingly), he will be cooking breakfast Christmas morning (my idea -- I hope it's good!), we'll exchange gifts, we'll go out on New Year's Eve, and then we'll go to the Laser Spectacular Featuring the Music of Pink Floyd the first week in January. I think we'll probably go out for steak with the gift certificate his mother sent sometime in the next two weeks.

And after that? I don't know. He says he wants to continue dating, just more casually than we have been. I still don't know if that's true or if he just doesn't want to be the bad guy. I also don't know if that's what I want. I've never been good at casual dating. I think I would need to be seeing other people in order to keep from being too serious about Brett, but it's not like I have a lot of (acceptable) prospects. It's certain that sex is out. That's only part of a serious relationship for me.

Sometimes I think it would work just talking on the phone a few times a week and seeing each other less than that. Sometimes I think it's impossible to go backwards. Sometimes I think we could just be friends, but then I realize I would (will) be so jealous if (when) he finds a girl he wants to commit to.

I don't know. What I do know is that I'm going to enjoy these next two weeks. He's being his usual sweet self, so I feel confident that I've made the right choice. It's not like I'm dragging out a miserable break-up. It's more like our relationship is a terminal cancer patient who decided to live it up before the end. Wait, that's too morbid. How about this? It's like our relationship is a person who got a fantastic offer for a job in a new city and decided to paint his hometown red before the move.