Nothing ventured, nothing gained

I took a big chance last night, and although I felt completely calm about it then, I'm sorta freaking out now.

I told Etch that I can't go another three weeks without seeing him again. I saw him Friday, but before that I hadn't seen him since the fireworks show on July 3rd. Granted, we talk on the phone nearly every day now. Still, I miss seeing him and being with him. He was supposed to go with me to a party on Saturday, but when he backed out, I had a mini-breakdown on the phone with V. I think it was because I had been anticipating having him at the party with me for so long, I just sort of snapped.

Now, he has had more than sufficient reasons for not being able to spend time with me, and I'm doing my best to be understanding. After the fireworks, he had to prepare for Comic-Con, and then he was at/traveling to and from Comic-Con for a little over a week. The other thing preoccupying him is that his sister has just been diagnosed with a very serious form of cancer and she is not doing well at all. He didn't go to the party because he was upset about her and didn't feel up to it. I totally understand that he's going through a horribly difficult time right now.

Am I being completely selfish? I told him that I don't want to put pressure on him, and I'm not threatening him ("If I don't see you within 3 weeks, it's over"). It's just that I want to see more of him. The good news is that he said he feels the same way. The bad news is that he said he doesn't expect me to wait around for him; he knows I have my own life (translation: "you can see other people").

Now I'm on pins and needles because I'm afraid he's going to call me tonight and say that he can't give me what I want and that we should stop seeing each other. It was not my intent to put any demands on him. I just want him to know that I really like him, and I miss him when we're not together. Sure I can see other people. Hell, I have seen other people. I don't want to see other people. I didn't tell him all that, though. I'm afraid I've broken enough rules with what I did say.

I'm consoling myself by reminding me that I was just being honest. I can't be faulted for that. Last night I was all, "If he dumps me, then maybe that's for the best because I really do need to see more of him. It can only go one of two ways: he can try to do better or we stop seeing each other. The ball is in his court." Where is all that bravado now? I don't want to lose him. But again, I was just stating my true feelings. There's nothing wrong with that, right? The timing is not the best, I know. I told him that patience is not my strong suit, but I will try harder.

I hope this turns out well. ... Whatever that means.