Past the point of no return

I had a five hour phone conversation with Etch last night. It was mostly good, but there was a long discussion of his last relationship which was a little uncomfortable. I'm scared because it ended pretty recently. I don't want to be the rebound girl. I like him so much. I don't want to get hurt.

I woke up terrified this morning. I realized that I have thrown away a lot of guys recently. I was always looking for the first screw up so I could dump them fast. Some of them didn't even make it to the first date. I realized Etch has snuck up on me, and I'm past that "throwing away" point. I'm scared about his last relationship, but there's nothing I can, or want to, do about it. On one hand, I don't want to overlook something important, but on the other hand, I think I'm enjoying spending time with him so much that I won't regret it if things do eventually go wrong. I would be disappointed of course, but I don't think I'll feel like I made a mistake in continuing to see him.

I'm just so afraid of the feelings I have for him. They are scary, yet exciting. It has been a very long time since I've felt this way about someone -- like if he were to do something that upset me, I wouldn't just stop taking his phone calls; we'd actually talk about it and try to work things out. That's a scary thought. He actually means something to me now. It was clear in early parts of the conversation last night that he likes me a lot too. He's told me a couple of times that he adores me. The number of times he calls me has increased considerably.

It's going to be okay. I'm having a great time with him. Even the things that scare me add to the excitement. And I honestly wouldn't change a thing.