I'm not dead

I'm alive. I swear. I've just been incredibly busy and bushed all at once.

School is so draining. I don't remember it being this way when I was in library school. Maybe I'm getting old. I can't imagine doing this five more times (12 classes ÷ 2 classes per semester = 6 semesters), but I'm not ready to give up yet. Hopefully, it will get better. I do remember hating my first library course. If I hadn't enjoyed the second, I would have quit.

I've been spending a lot of time with Chet. It's so odd not to be able to recall exactly what day we spent together and where we went when. I'm not able to keep up with it all, which is a good thing. It's just not typical of my former tally-keeping behavior.

We're getting close to the L-word. Monday night and Tuesday morning he told me that he's falling in love with me. Now he frequently says or writes to me, "I heart you." I didn't say it back at first, but now I do. Here's something I want to commit to memory just in case: When we were watching American Beauty on Sunday night (didn't I just say I can't keep up with what happened when? Hmph.), we were sitting on the couch holding hands and it just came to me, "I love him." I have no idea why. There was nothing significant happening in the movie; it just popped in my head. At any rate, I'm not going to be the one to say it first. I can wait for him. Seems like we're in sync though, since his revelation came the next day.

So my initial point was: posts have been few and far between, I owe emails to friends, and I've been neglecting my watering-hole. I'm going to try to get better. Right after I take a nap.

Strangely silent

I haven't blogged in a while, and I'm not sure why. I think I got into a habit of blogging about crises, and thankfully I'm not having any with Chet. Things are going extremely well. We have been seeing each other about 3 times a week since the start. It's fantastic.

Do you know what he said to me on Monday? "Tomorrow's our anniversary." I know!! What guy remembers that kind of stuff? He is so sweet. On Tuesday he sent me a sweet email saying happy anniversary and how glad he is that we met.

The best part of our relationship is the ease with which it is proceeding. I'm not all panicky and worried. Sure, there's the chance it could tank. But for some reason, I'm not really concerned. I'm able to enjoy this for what we have now.

He says he wants to stay single until after the first of the year. Yet he says he knows he's not really single. He's not interested in seeing anyone else and wouldn't feel right dating other people. I'm not even freaked out by that. I know that it will work itself out. Either he'll decide he wants a girlfriend, and I'm it; he'll decide he wants a girlfriend, and I'm not it; he'll decide he doesn't want a girlfriend; I'll decide I don't want him for a boyfriend; or I'll get tired of waiting for him to decide. I'm amazed at myself that I'm not anxious about the outcome.

I have no idea where this "whatever happens, happens" attitude has come from, but I'm loving it. Everything is so easy. I'm not afraid to call him. I'm not a wreck if he hasn't called. (Okay, I was a wreck once when he didn't email me his standard good morning message. Turns out there was a glitch somewhere. I got the message about an hour after he sent it.) I'm not jealous if he goes out without me. This is most relaxed and best relationship I've been in.

Try a little tenderness

Chet is very expressive. It's quite different for me to be with a guy who is so open with his feelings. It's nice, though. Here's a catalog of the sweet things he's written to me over the last three weeks. You may need to see a dentist after reading it.

9/10
You seem interesting.
9/13
You're cute. I enjoy your messages.
9/13
I'm fading. But it's worth it to talk to you.
9/13
You're beautiful.
9/14
Great to meet you. You're twice as cute as your pictures.
9/19
I wish I didn't have to wait till Friday for that kiss, my lips are kinda lonely.
9/19
I have the feeling I'm really going to fall for you, I'm warning you in advance.
9/19
That was I think the best kiss I've ever had. I'm quite enamored.
9/20
I still think you're beautiful. Just wanted you to know that under the influence of caffeine and not beer, I still have the same opinion.
9/23
Psst...you're cute.
9/27
Good luck on your test, dear. Looking forward to seeing you.
9/27
You're a great kisser. And very sexy.
9/28
I miss you. You're kind of captivating, you know?
9/28
You know what? I like you a lot.
9/28
I miss you, my friend. I really had a blast last night.
9/29
I miss you, btw. I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.
9/29
Did I tell you yet today that I have a very good feeling about you? :-)
9/29
I was thinking of you so I'm sending you this message.
9/29
Maybe we can hang out after you get off work tomorrow too because as uncool as it is to say...um, er, ahem, I miss seeing you. I'm a lucky guy.
9/29
I'm pretty smitten myself.
10/1
You're quite fetching.
10/1
I feel like a schmuck for always calling & messaging you, but to tell you the truth I'm thinking of you much of the time - so I can't help it! ... you're something else. Just watching a movie, I'm very comfortable around you, love your head on my shoulder, just enjoy being with you. I don't have the advantage of a blog but if I did...I'd be writing these things. You're a marvelous girl. I'll shut up now - it's getting sappy in here.
10/2
You're a doll, how are you single?
10/3
Hi Sweetie, You looked gorgeous last night, you know that?
10/3
I really like you & you are really growing on me and that was so not part of my master plan! Why do you have to be so darned great to be around?
10/3
I miss you, sweetie. I can't wait to see you.
10/4
I love spending time with you and I think you're extraordinarily sweet.
10/4
I miss you.
10/4
You're cute. You want to make out this weekend?
10/4
Ok. I really do miss you. What are you doing to me?
10/6
You're sweet.
10/6
Still miss you.
10/6
You're the cutest gal I know.

*Huge sigh of contentment* Chet is so great.

Mission Accomplished

Yep, that's right. The moment we've all been waiting for. I, Samsara, had successful, good sex last night, ending a 2-year, 7-month, 2-week, 4-day dry spell. Not that I was keeping track or anything.

So, Chet and I went out for drinks with his good friend. We ended the night early because he said he was tired. He said he'd call me when he got home. We talked on the phone for a while, and I was trying to explain to him this feeling I had. The best adjective I could come up with was "unfulfilled." Usually when we're together I have a good time with him, we may kiss and get a little worked up, but once it's over, things are fine and I can go home or he can go, whatever. But last night I felt like I didn't get enough of him. He just cut to the chase. "You're horny," he said. Oh? Is that what that is? I honestly didn't know. We continued to talk and at one point I sighed. Apparently it was a sexy one, though I really wasn't trying anything. He said, "Listen to you! Okay, I'm coming over. Let me hop in the shower and I'll be right there." He was here in less than 20 minutes. Lol.

Hijinks ensued, and now I'm a woman. How was it? Wonderful, especially for a first time. Remember when I got giddy in the "Planning and Protection" aisle? It happened again when we were in mid-action. He probably thinks I'm a nut, but I was so happy to be doing it, and enjoying it, with a great guy. I imagine that it will get even better.

I really like being with him. This is the third time he has spent the night with me. Sleeping with him is so nice. It's hard to believe how comfortable I am with him. How has it only been 3 weeks since we started corresponding? He called me a hussy as he left this morning. That's me! And I love it.

Happy Birthday, Stevie

October 3, 1954 - August 27, 1990

Operation GL is go!

Lass and I recently embarked on Operation Get Laid. After the fiasco with Etch, it felt like I had awakened a sleeping giant. I thought I was going to explode.

Well, I think I'm about to declare "Mission Accomplished." Chet and I are getting pretty close. I'm done with the arbitrary setting of dates for when it's okay to do it. I was tossing dates around in my head: 6 weeks, after we're exclusive, on his birthday, on my birthday. Forget all that. I'm just going to let it happen naturally. The one thing I learned from the fiasco and the comments I received on the post about it, is Never Plan.

Chet and I had a great time messing around last night. He did something to me that I've never had done before, and it was spectacular! I never in a million years would have thought I would enjoy something like that. But, wow! I was astounded. I may have even woken the neighbors.

We talked during and after the make-out session, and it's clear that the "act" will be coming soon (no pun intended). We're not exclusive, it hasn't been 6 months, but who cares? We both want it. We feel deeply about each other. I know he's not going to disappear afterwards. I know he knows that I take this seriously and don't sleep around. Those things are more important.