Dropping 20

Every day, at some point, I feel so displeased with my body. It happens when I'm dressing (something's too tight) or putting on makeup (there's the start of a double chin) or deciding what to wear (all those cute clothes that don't fit) or looking at some fit person (why not me?).

Every day I say to myself I need to start eating better and working out and lose these extra 20 pounds. It's more frustrating because I know I can do it -- I've done it before -- but I just can't seem to get motivated.

Every day I make poor food choices and let my gym bag ride around in the car with me.

My fitness challenge with V was a bust. I've tried working out in the morning and in the afternoon. I just can't get into a routine.

I thought about using the menus I wrote back when I was in shape. They've been sitting on the coffee table for months. I thought about joining eDiets. I talked myself out of it because of the cost. Then Lass pointed out the Kraft Healthy Living website which is basically the same thing, but free. Still nothing. Now I'm thinking about going back to Jenny Craig. Maybe some outside accountability would help. Then there's the expense to think about. I can afford it now after my promotion, but what about my plan to save for a washing machine and dryer? And what about when I reach my goal? I'll be back to making up my own menus which isn't working now. What makes me think it'll work later?

I think I'm just making excuses. Maybe I'm afraid to fail or afraid that I won't be able to use being overweight as a reason for my life not being perfect. I've got to find out what the block is.