I don't need a bag

My utility closet was overflowing with assorted plastic grocery bags. I bought some canvas bags to use instead. Yay me, for helping save the environment!

So far the Target cashiers have been the only ones who get it. I put my bag on the counter and they fill it. All the other cashiers have thought it's the weirdest thing in the world for a customer to bring his own bag. And Minyard's was the worst. The sacker there wanted to put my items in plastic bags, then put them in my canvas ones! Apparently, it's also uncool to have only one or two items and declare that you don't need a bag. Umm, that's what my hands are for.

Dropping 20

Every day, at some point, I feel so displeased with my body. It happens when I'm dressing (something's too tight) or putting on makeup (there's the start of a double chin) or deciding what to wear (all those cute clothes that don't fit) or looking at some fit person (why not me?).

Every day I say to myself I need to start eating better and working out and lose these extra 20 pounds. It's more frustrating because I know I can do it -- I've done it before -- but I just can't seem to get motivated.

Every day I make poor food choices and let my gym bag ride around in the car with me.

My fitness challenge with V was a bust. I've tried working out in the morning and in the afternoon. I just can't get into a routine.

I thought about using the menus I wrote back when I was in shape. They've been sitting on the coffee table for months. I thought about joining eDiets. I talked myself out of it because of the cost. Then Lass pointed out the Kraft Healthy Living website which is basically the same thing, but free. Still nothing. Now I'm thinking about going back to Jenny Craig. Maybe some outside accountability would help. Then there's the expense to think about. I can afford it now after my promotion, but what about my plan to save for a washing machine and dryer? And what about when I reach my goal? I'll be back to making up my own menus which isn't working now. What makes me think it'll work later?

I think I'm just making excuses. Maybe I'm afraid to fail or afraid that I won't be able to use being overweight as a reason for my life not being perfect. I've got to find out what the block is.

First date

Frenchy came over last night. We watched Good Night and Good Luck, talked, and had a couple of make-out sessions. He ended up spending the night, but it was quite chaste ... well, mostly chaste. There was lots of kissing, a little touching, strictly above the waist with no clothing removed. It was nice, and he wasn't pushy at all.

The cutest part of the night was during the movie. We were sitting close to each other, but he hadn't made a move yet. It was getting chilly in the room, so I got a blanket and covered us up. His fingers were touching my arm. I leaned forward to get a sip of my beer, and his fingers moved to my wrist. When I leaned back, he moved them to my hand, so then we were holding hands under the blanket. It was so sweet!

So far, so good

I think I have a date tomorrow night!

I talked to Frenchy again tonight. He suggested getting together tomorrow night to watch movies at his place. I'm supposed to call him tomorrow during the day to confirm. I'm going to suggest that he come here instead. I'll feel more comfortable on my turf. Not to mention I won't have to drive the 20 miles to his place!

We didn't talk on the phone for long, but he was more animated than he was on Wednesday night. I think he may have been inhibited by his friends' being there. Tonight he was more like the Frenchy I met last week. I'm so excited about seeing him again.

Torture

First Frenchy didn't call and then he did.

He was supposed to call at 7:30. When 8:00 came along, I IMed Lass and we called him some bad names, and I called V and we called him some more bad names. Then I remembered my motto, "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." Those were some good kisses after all. Still, I felt horrible. I should have known better than to want him to call. For the millionth time I swore off men forever.

8:30 rolled around, and the phone rang. Frenchy! I told him he was an hour late. He said he was "doin' stuff." We made some small talk. He was at a friend's house hanging out before his soccer game. He made a reference to getting together, but we didn't make definite plans. He's going to call tomorrow.

So much for swearing off men. More waiting instead. At least now I don't feel so anxious about it.

Ice cream!

I've had a mad craving for ice cream recently. I finally got some tonight: a pint of Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk. It is so yummy!

And guess what else I bought. Cow's milk. A little over a year ago I read an article that said cow's milk can have pus in it if the cow's teats are infected at the time of milking. Since then I've only been drinking soy milk. Tonight I didn't feel like going to the grocery store and I stopped in Target instead. They didn't have any soy milk, so I bought skim cow's milk.

It's a silly aversion anyway, since I still eat cheese, yogurt, and the above mentioned ice cream.

Waiting game

I hate this! I gave Frenchy my phone number and for some reason that I can't recall I told him to call me on Wednesday at 7:30. I know he's not going to call. They never do. They either were so drunk they forgot all about having met someone or they never intended to call in the first place. Nevertheless, I'm all anxious for him to call. It's a most uncomfortable feeling. The only consolation is the bet with V. She insists he'll call. If he doesn't, she has to buy me dinner.

He told V that he was "elated" to meet me. He told me repeatedly that he was glad he stored my phone number in his cell phone before the battery died. He kept saying how much he likes me. That was all probably drunk talk. By the time Wednesday comes, he will either have forgotten me or will have talked himself out of calling. I know this, so why am I still hoping he'll call? I'm going to be a wreck on Wednesday.