Two thoughts on Match dating

The good thing about going on a bunch of first dates is that I only need one cute outfit. With Etch I was just about to the point where I was going to have to start repeating or go shopping.

I've got to think of some first date activity besides going out to eat. If not, I'm going to be a whale at the end of the six months. A movie is okay, but we don't really get to talk. And I'll be too self-conscious for something like bowling or miniature golf. Maybe a walk around the lake. Any ideas?

Match Update #1

Match has turned out to be a lot of fun. I've gotten some (unintentionally) hilarious emails and winks from people with (unintentionally) hilarious profiles. Then there was the guy who I wanted to run over with my car. He had atrocious spelling: he said he frequently shops at Victory Secrete. He also said he only dates black women because as the saying goes "Once you try black, you never go back." Now, c'mon. Sure we've all heard the phrase and some of us have even said it, but would you really put in on your dating profile and think black women would find it charming? Puh-leeze.

I've met one guy in person. Let's call him 'Hogan.' We met at a restaurant, had drinks and chips, then went to my watering hole and had more drinks. Sunday we chatted online for a bit and he asked me to come over and watch the game. It was an okay time. Hogan is a nice guy, and we have an awesome amount of stuff in common. But, ultimately, there was no spark. We kissed a couple of times, but ... meh. I think we can be friends if he's up for it. We'll see.

So, that's it for now. Pardon me while I jump back into the dating pool.

Get back on the horse

Okay, so it's over with Etch and that's disappointing. But I really liked having a companion (how old do I sound?), so I'm refusing to give up. Over the weekend, I wrote to some guys on Craigslist and had a date. And now I'm going to sign up for Match. Lass and I have decided to do the 6-month program because there's a guarantee that if we "don't find someone special" in those 6 months, they'll give us another 6 months for free. Let's hope it works!

Calling it quits

"Even though I know,
I don't want to know.
Yeah, I guess I know,
I just hate how it sounds."

That's from "One Thing" by Finger Eleven, and I'm taking it out of context, but it describes how I feel about my relationship with Etch. It's over. I know, I know. It's so horrible.

This past weekend was the third in a row that I haven't seen him. I should be so over keeping a tally of how much time we spend together, but I'm not. At any rate, I just don't see enough of him. We have averaged about twice a month. That's insane.

I already talked to him about how I needed to see more of him. He tried to do better I think. We went on a date, he came out to meet my friend Kevin, we took a mini road trip. It just didn't last. I said something again this past Sunday. My original plan was just to end it that day, but when the phone rang, my courage flew out the window. We talked again about how I want to see more of him, he said he'd do better, said he does miss me, but really had no good explanation as to why we don't see more of each other. He has been spending weekend nights with his family (and yes, I'm sure he's not lying). I know they are going through a rough patch, but damn. I asked why we sometimes spend hours on the phone when we could be together. He had no clear answer.

Immediately after the call, I felt better. Then I felt stupid. First, I think I sounded like I'm depending on him to entertain me or make me happy. That is not the case. I can go and do things, see other people, stay home and read, whatever. It's just that I like him and enjoy his company and want to see him. I don't think I made that clear to him. Second, why the hell am I having to ask a guy to make time for me? What the hell is that about? He either wants to or he doesn't.

So, I'm going to have to end it after all. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I had a whole speech prepared before, but it's not appropriate now. And my speeches never come out as I plan -- because I script the other person's responses and I'm not psychic. We're supposed to go to see fireworks on Sunday, so I'll probably do it after that.

Equal time

I figure if I complain about them, I have to tell when they do something good.

On Friday I went to my sister's house to say goodbye to my niece and nephew who were leaving for college on Saturday. During the visit, my sister and her husband whispered to each other and then left the house. When they came back, her husband handed me $100!

Can you believe it? Sure it's only a drop in the bucket of debt they owe me, but it's the thought that counts. I was totally impressed.

Things come to those who wait

That's right. Just "things." Not "good things," just things.

Friends, it was awful. I hope Etch never discovers this blog because he would kill me for telling, but that was the most disappointing sexual experience ever. Tuesday night was bad, and I thought it was just because I had built up the whole experience in my head so much and for so long. But then we tried again Wednesday morning, and it was all I could do not to cry. I'm serious, here. I was literally holding back tears. (God, please don't ever let him read this. Thanks. Love, Samsara.)

You want to know what went wrong, don't you? Both episodes lasted no more than 5 minutes. Guess what? I mean 5 minutes TOTAL. Each one was 2 minutes tops. I swear to you that I am not exaggerating. Not to be too graphic -- okay, yes I'm going to be graphic; kids, turn your heads -- there were maybe 8 thrusts the first time and 4 or 5 the second time. Not even "rhythmic" ones. He was trying so hard not to "finish" that he never even established a "groove," if you know what I mean.

You all know that I'm a conspiracy theorist at heart, so my first thought was that he did it on purpose because he really didn't want to do it with me and I kind of sprang it on him. But Wednesday morning was all him. We were making out on the couch, and I asked if we could try again. He said he didn't think he could do any better than the night before, so I said okay and told him I wouldn't push it (hee). But a few minutes later he was walking into the bedroom and told me to come with him. Then he asked where the condoms were. So he must have wanted to, right? He apologized profusely, said he was embarrassed, seemed to feel really bad about it. No self-respecting guy would do that to himself, right?

Anyway, I have no idea what to do now. Of course I still like him a whole lot. We spent the whole day together Wednesday on a mini road trip. And the making out is wonderful, but I need more than that. At this point, I'm not going to bring it up again. We talked about it enough, I think. He said it doesn't happen that way all the time. The only explanation he could give is that (graphic ->) I'm "just so soft and slippery" down there. Maybe if we didn't spend so much time on foreplay? I don't know.

My only plan now is to wait and see if we he wants to make another attempt. I think I'll just collapse if it's this bad again. I couldn't have a long-term relationship like this. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Girl, you'll be a woman soon

If everything goes according to plan, tonight is the night. That's right. I'm going to do it with Etch tonight. I know I was supposed to wait six months, but I can't wait anymore. Three months isn't so bad, is it?

I went to buy condoms this morning, and I was giddy in the "Planning & Protection" aisle. It was funny! Thankfully no one was around.

I'm so nervous! I hope it all goes well. Wish me luck!