Deadline

Etch has one week from tomorrow to take me out. Seriously.

His order is done, he's got the boxes, it should be shipped on Tuesday at the latest. I've already told him I'm on vacation all week. I've waited almost a month, and my patience has worn thin. I know he's got to get started on his next project (the Comic-Con in July), but he should have at least a few hours to go out on a date. Especially since his thumb is hurt and he can't etch for a while anyway.

If we haven't gone out by next Sunday, then I'll know he's just not that into me, and I'll move on.

Great quote

I was looking at some ancient journals today, and on the inside cover of one of them was this quote:

The sweetness of low price never equals the bitterness of low quality.

Such an eloquent rephrasing of one of my mottos: "You get what you pay for."

And so very, very true.

May I have a talk with you?

Conversations with Etch-a-Sketch have been going so well! The last two times we talked (Saturday and last night) I had to keep reminding myself to be quiet and give him a chance to start a topic. He is so easy to talk to. My shyness doesn't make it easy for me to have conversations with new people, so it takes something special (I'm not sure what) to draw me out. I haven't found that something in any guy since Brian. It's the one thing I've really been looking for.

I mentioned to him that I'm taking vacation time the week of Memorial Day. He said that we should get together then. Still tentative, but less so than before. I keep fantasizing about what our first date will be like, how our first kiss will be, if he'll hold my hand. It's going to be very exciting.

That's not rice

So, I kept putting off cleaning my kitchen. I knew there was some moldy fruit in a bowl, some old taco meat in a covered casserole dish, and other assorted crap that needed to be taken care of. My mother was coming over this afternoon, so I decided to finally clean in there.

I opened the casserole dish, and the worst stink came out. Then I looked inside and thought, "Hmm. I know I put corn in the tacos, but I don't remember putting rice in there." Then the rice started moving! I was so creeped out!

Having a messy apartment is mildly comical until the maggots show up.

My family tree must be a pecan

What do you do when a family member is not someone who you would want to have a relationship with?

My oldest sister falls into that category. She and her husband have become people that I wouldn't tolerate. They borrowed $4,600 from me years ago with the promise to repay in a matter of months. I've seen maybe $200. I have never asked for the money back, and I think I probably should have. But I always felt sorry for them because they're always in a bind of some sort. They borrowed the money to cover their mortgage payments and then ended up losing the house anyway. I never understood how they could have cable, eat out, buy expensive clothes for their kids, etc., yet the house payment wasn't made?! Seems to me, that would come first. I know I've built up a lot of resentment because of this. My former therapist suggested that I ask them to start a repayment plan, even if it was just $25 a month. I never got up the nerve. And then IT happened.

IT -- my brother-in-law gave my sister a black eye. Now, they've gotten into fights before. He's pushed her down, he's pulled a gun on her, she's left and gone back. For a while it was occuring on a two-year cycle. This was the first time she ever called the police on him, so I was encouraged, thinking she'd finally leave the jerk. I had blamed his stupidity for all their problems. After the fight, I had her come to stay with me for a few days while he was in jail. She was dying to go back home. I'll never understand why. He started emailing her his profuse apologies (she forwarded them to our other sister who told me about them), and the next thing we knew, she was going downtown to drop the charges. It began to dawn on me that she was just as sick as he is. This last fight included my niece who he called all kinds of names. She even pulled two of his dreadlocks out. Anyway, my sister told my niece that she didn't want to have to choose between them (WTF?) and that she wanted her 'family' together.

As the rest of the family talked about it, other parts of the story came out. I had never told anyone about the money they owed me. It turns out they owe everyone. I learned about the seriousness of the other fights. And I learned the basis of this last fight (he re-financed the house without telling my sister).

Now, I look at them with a whole different viewpoint. In all honesty, they sicken me.

They have taken my nephew's savings of $1,000 and kicked him out when he objected to it. (He caved and went back home after a day.) They have told him that he should let his car be repossessed because it needs expensive repairs.

My niece is so incredibly greedy I can't even believe it. She graduates tomorrow. They were not sending me an invitation because they wanted to send one to a woman who helped my mother watch her when she was an infant. We haven't spoken to this woman in years, and she gets an invitation before I do? My niece said they're sending her one because, "We need money." And then, when my sister started addressing an invitation to me because I insisted, my niece said, "That's a wasted invitation." I told her, "I don't appreciate being called a waste," and she apologized. It's all I can do to go to this graduation tomorrow and give her a gift. I'm trying to tell myself it's not her fault: she can't help the way she was raised.

(I'm leaving out all the drama between them and my other sister. But trust me, it's just as bad if not worse.)

I have asked my other sister to pray for me so that I won't become hard-hearted. I want to care about them because they're family. I just don't like to be around them. And my brother-in-law is all in our faces trying to let us know that he's changed, and my sister encourages it. Blech. Why does she think her situation is any different from those of the millions of other domestic violence victims?

I don't know what, if anything, I can do. My plan now is just to limit my exposure to them. I used to feel obligated to attend all family gatherings. Not anymore. I have a choice, and I'm going to exercise it. It would probably be healthier to air my grievances and try to heal wounds, but I know they would not be receptive to it. I just hope they don't set me off in some way and I explode.

What a waste

You know, I was all in turmoil convincing myself that I should give Goldy a chance. What a waste of time that was. He hasn't even called. Jackass.

Things I didn't do today

1. Finish verifying the copy record information of some closed-stacks items.
2. Ask Cherie for a report of what titles are showing 'on order'.
3. Wash dishes.
4. Buy groceries.
5. Exercise.
6. Refrain from speaking negatively about a coworker.
7. Call the apartment leasing office to renew my lease.

All I need is just a little patience

I have had two fantastic conversations with Etch. Saturday night (actually Sunday morning) he called and we talked for close to two and a half hours. He is so funny. We talked about so much stuff, most of it completely off the wall. As a result of one our topics, he's supposed to etch me a glass with a picture of Thomas Jefferson. He's got Frankenstein toys he said I could play with, as long as I don't rearrange them. We only got off the phone because his phone was dying. There's no telling how long we would have talked otherwise. Still no date, though. We talked about seeing a movie, named a couple we'd like to see, but nothing definite.

He called tonight and we talked for an hour. More getting-to-know-you this time, but still some off-the-wall stuff, too. This time he said that we won't be able to go out until he finishes this big etching order he's got. He wants it done by the end of the month. As of tonight, he's got 350 of 1000 pieces done. I hate waiting.

I can never just take the situation at face value: he's got work to do and a pressing deadline. Instead, I think maybe something's up. Last weekend, when I returned his call on Saturday night, he didn't answer. And when he called Monday night, he said he had been sick all weekend. At the end of our conversation this Saturday night, he said he'd call me on Sunday. He didn't call until tonight and said that he had slept all day Sunday. Put those facts together with the fact that the movie date has been all talk, and it means he has no intention of taking me out. He's just putting it off until I give up. See? It's all right there in black and white. Okay, it's actually between the black and white. But that's the same thing, right?

I'm getting on my nerves. Make me just enjoy the conversations, have a good time, and not get all worked up.

*Clarification*
When I said,"He's putting it off until I give up," I didn't meant that I've been pestering him about taking me out. I never bring it up, actually. What I mean is that he'll keep putting it off until I decide I don't want to talk to him anymore.

Surrendered single vs. Gold-zilla

I was brushing up on the advice I got in my Surrendered Single book. I love this book, and I realized that I haven't been following the author's instructions lately.

First off, I'm supposed to smile at every man I see. She says to flirt, too, but I'm more judicious with that one. Smiling and saying hello is fun. It's neat to see the guys sort of caught off guard and then pleased that I've spoken to them. I'm sure it's an ego boost for them. (Not because of me. I'm not that conceited.) They're probably thinking that they're so irresistible, women can't help but talk to them.

The next advice is to accept dates from guys I wouldn't normally go out with. This way, I get the confidence generated from feeling desirable and I get the practice and experience of dating. And most importantly, I'm giving guys a chance when I may have overlooked them for some shallow reason.

This brings us to Goldy. When I re-read that part of the book, I remembered Goldy. I met him the same night I met Frenchy. While I was practically pulling my hair out waiting for Frenchy to call, Goldy called at least three times and asked to get together. I just put him off. I said I'd call and I never did (karma, anyone?). Do you want to know why I put him off? Go ahead, ask me. The reason is that ... he's got a gold tooth!! That's right. In 2006, this guy's left front tooth is gold. V described it perfectly: tacky.

Here comes the ironic part: Goldy called Friday night. This time when he asked when he could see me, I said next weekend. He seems like a nice enough guy, he's clearly interested. He's attractive with his mouth closed. If I think about it hard enough, I really don't have a good reason for not seeing him at least once. How can I complain about how guys never call when here's one who does, and I don't respond?

Etch-a-Sketch

After a couple of missteps over the weekend, I talked to Etch-a-Sketch tonight.

That first phone call is always so weird. You know, you meet, you're both pretty tipsy, you have a good time talking, exchange numbers. But then, in real life on the phone, it's not the same. The boozy chemistry isn't there. There's no liquid courage to lower inhibitions.

Anyway, it wasn't really a disappointment. It was a decent conversation after all. He mentioned owing me a movie, but didn't attempt to make real plans. The call ended with his vague mention of giving me a call later in the week. Perhaps he will. I won't die if he doesn't.

Labelling myself

I'm finally up to the exercises portion of my Shyness book. This next one requires input from friends.

I had to come up with a list of 10 words, phrases, and traits that describe me best. Here goes:

1. a good listener
2. pretty
3. shy
4. loyal
5. caring
6. harsh/critical
7. impatient
8. funny
9. lazy
10. quiet

Next, I had to rank them in "importance" from 1 to 10. I didn't understand that, so I skipped it.

Last, I had to ask a friend which are the two most and the two least characteristic of me. So, friends who read this: What do you think?

The pick-up artist

I saw the biggest pick-up tonight at the watering hole. I guess the woman wasn't really an artist, as it was so obvious that she was picking this guy up. I wonder if it was obvious to him. She was in her mid-to-late forties. He was in his late twenties with a french accent (ooh-la-la).

Her line? "Hey. Hey. Do you know anything about cell phones?" Nevermind that the bar is next door to a T-Mobile store. He moved over, she asked what it means when it says "my profile," and it went on from there. When I looked over later, they were talking softly, and they were so close that the bill of his cap was touching her forehead.

Rock on, old lady!